i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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