SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
