am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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