he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
