So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
