lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
