I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize