She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
