im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
