These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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