ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
