Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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