I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
