saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize