He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
