You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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