I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
