I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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