you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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