Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
