ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
