how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
