my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
