There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
