She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
