she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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