that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
