so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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