and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
