I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize