We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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