The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
