Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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