I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
