ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize