Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the condom got lost in my hair
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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