some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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