She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
