I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
