Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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