if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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