i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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