are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
