I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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