last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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