Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
