I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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