im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
