Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
