If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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