how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
