1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Someone shattered a urinal.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
