try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
