dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
