Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
