Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
