He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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