i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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