Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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