dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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