If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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