wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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