Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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