i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
