take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
