Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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