Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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