its not stalking. its research.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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