I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
ttyl tear gas
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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