WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
